jervisjohnsons

*All theories, ideas and thoughts in this essay are completely true. If you have an issue with them, politely take your left middle finger, and stuff it up your ass.

- The Dwarf sweat heavily. His mail and plate armor nearly hissed with the heat emanating from the massive, pulsating machine in front of him. He grumbled heavily. How long will I have to toil for these lame-ass Chaos lackeys?

A vomitous boom was heard as the Hellcannon ejaculated a steaming projectile toward the advancing empire lines. Horrified by the gore and liquified remains of Arash Afghani, they turned and fled, screaming to the hills.

It was quite a magnificent sight, the Dwarf thought, as it shoveled another pile of remains, this time, a floppy, elephant eared man obviously of Italian decent. He wore a Colonial GT name tag around his neck. All was blotted out except the last name Matolla. Flesh ran like hot wax as it was gulped hungrily into the lava-hot furnace at the backside of the cannon.

Another blast ripped from the gullet of the cannon, and in the distance, the empire shieldline was shattered as it disintegrated flesh and steel with equal ease. As he turned about, the dwarf saw a shape looming toward him from the front of the hellcannon.

It was Yorkie. He had been surveying for them at the top of a hill located due east. The half-rat thing lurched close to the Dwarf as it spoke, the stench of foul cheese shrouding its breath.

"Man-things break and run. Now is the time for siezing the Colonial!"

As the dwarf shoveled the remains of an oddly eccentric, boyish looking blonde man into the back of the cannon, he belched loudly.

"Yorkie, when I wish to stop firing this damned gun, I'll stop. Otherwise, scamper back to your desk and tell us if the new Daemon Legion rules will be used!"

The Dwarf clapped the rat-thing about his ears. It snarled and lurked back from whence it came.

With the shield line broken, the Chaos army began its inevitable advance. It shook the ground and cracked foundations. The dwarf watched as massive, twisted monstrosities huddled in a fetid gaggle at the front, goaded forward by merciless beast masters. He laughed hoarsely as another disgusting eruption from the cannon launched a liquefying, boyish form from it. It splattered amidst the wreckage of a dismantled Steam tank, its chubby gunner running about like a mad-man.

"The damned thing misfired!" He screamed. His pudgy fingers slowly removed his greasy goggles from his rounded face, and he wiped them clean. His goatee was a tangled mess, and his once spiked hair was matted with grease. He looked about bewildered. Surely, the other steam tank was operational, and the pope was still riding about. To his dismay, as he turned to the west, the screaming bolt from the Hellcannon smashed down upon the Pope. His chariot was demolished and he was liquefied amongst a puddle of symbiotic goo.

"Damned! My infernal creation has turned on me!" The pudgy man turned and fled, his round form bobbing back to the south amidst puddles of foul fluids.

With the empire army in complete route, the Dwarf turned and released the chains on the rear of the hellcannon. It began its long, slow march to Cherryhill, ready to consume more souls.

funny funny!!

lol

You have a first round challenge yet Brian? If not, we can see if the hellcannon can actually deliver.

I see you are fighting Ludwig, in effect pre-emptively ducking me.

Way to think ahead!

Actually, Friday night we'll find out. I throwdown the Firday Night Challenge, Mr Maule! For each model slain by the Hellcannon we must do a shot!

Then, since the story takes place BEFORE Colonial, my grand entrance shall be coronated.

Done and Done! I'll post the official challenge.

I remember the first time I played you that you hade a giant block of slaaneshi chosen. Even with the Hellcannon this game will go no better for you.

Challenge posted on the colonial boards.

All I know is I better get perfect sports!

And of course, if it was posted it was complained about on those boards.

Interesting. Thanks for mentioning me by name.

I rather enjoyed that.